Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
