So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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