She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
