Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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