we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
