I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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