i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
