composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
