You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
