I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
