I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
