someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize