You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
