U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
vagina is talking i cant
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
