They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
