I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
