I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
