If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
