how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
