My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
