I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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