Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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