I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
