I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
