That's intense
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
