So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
