my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
