Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
