I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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