How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
