just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
