i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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