Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
