Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize