I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
