My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
