White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
