WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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