I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me I should be a condom model.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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