i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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