I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
