my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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