My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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