there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
