If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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