once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
