my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
