do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
