I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am naked and annoyed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
