I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
