i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
