we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
