Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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