don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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