Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
