I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
