just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
