just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
