yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
