So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
