why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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