He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize