Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
