i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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