if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Blood and glitter go together right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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