You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
