Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
