U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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