ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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